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Writings

How To Stop People From Stealing Your Photos

  • The only way to stop people from stealing your kinky images and other media is to never put it online, ever.
  • If you destroy your awesome media by using intrusive watermarks, or remove your profile because you’re upset, terrorists win.
  • Most people don’t really care whose picture they are currently masturbating to.

 

One of the strangest points in your online career happens when you are popular enough that you start to see your pictures circulating online without your help. You feel a fuzzy feeling of accomplishment — you’re famous! Then you start to notice some of the pictures are mysteriously missing the precious watermark you spent hours figuring out how to do in Photoshop (or Microsoft Paint, if you don’t want to support Evil Corporations).

It feels like stealing. People are stealing your effort and brand, and use your media as their own. Of course, we don’t care about this when we get our movies or music from PirateBay — that’s just easy and fair, because Quentin Tarantino is swimming money anyways. But you are putting your media out for free — the least you deserve is some credit.

How do we react? Maybe we’ll put a bigger, more annoying watermark there. Put it in the center of the picture, so people can’t take it out without destroying the whole thing. This actually works: you will notice less people are retweeting your pics, because nobody wants to jerk off to your huge logo, with a rubber guy hidden in the background.

Maybe we’ll get upset on Twitter. Because the people who follow you on Twitter love the pornography, but even more, they love seeing angry people complaining about the unfairness of life. That’s an instant retweet.

Maybe we’ll delete our profile. But wait, that doesn’t help, since the pictures are already all over Tumblr. And it makes it a bit hard to claim you’re the original source, if you’ve just destroyed your online presence.

What do to then? Embrace it. Embrace the fact that your content is so good that out of a billion images available online, they took the time to actually Photoshop your image a bit. Realize, that there’s nothing you can do about it, and by putting out more original content, they’re not stealing your attention.

And let’s be fair: when was the last time you lost a hard-on while jerking off to internet porn because the picture lacked a watermark?

Categories
Writings

How dangerous is it to leave a sub alone?

Being left alone helpless to enjoy your bondage is a common fantasy among kinksters. It’s the ultimate form of consensual non-consensuality: there’s no way out, if there’s nobody there to release you.
 
We all know the fundamental rule of BDSM is to never leave your sub alone in bondage. But this begs the question: how dangerous is it to actually leave a person alone?

External causes of danger

If we forget the complications of bondage itself, and focus on external dangers that could kill or injure your sub, the numbers are pretty clear: any external danger is ridiculously low.
 
Fire and burglary are the main external dangers. According to FEMA, there are approximately 380 000 household fires annually in the US, and according to FBI, about 1.5 million burglaries. As there are about 125 million households in the country, the risk of having a fire in a residence in the US in any 8 hour period is approximately one in 360 000, and a burglary one in 240 000 (it should also be noted that if your burglar sees a slave in a cage, he’ll most likely flee: only 7% of US burglaries happening while house is occupied result in any violence).
 
Other causes of household danger are far lower than fire and burglary, so it’s clear that your house will not destruct itself while you are away unless you are extremely unlucky.
 
For perspective, the average risk for an American 40 year old male dying in the next 8 hours is one in 490 000, according to the Social Security Actuarial Table. This increases to one in 95 000 if you’re 60 years old, so when you are playing with an old top, him keeling over and dying is much more likely than a catastrophic fire.

Physical causes of danger

Bondage itself is dangerous. Any form of constriction around the neck or head can cause death in two ways: asphyxiation (not getting enough oxygen), and the vasovagal response (constricting the neck, resulting in a reflexive crashing of blood pressure). These risks depend on the kind of bondage, so it’s best to stay away from the head and neck area.
 
Even if the head and neck area is completely free, constriction around the chest area may cause positional asphyxia, where the sub is unable to breathe properly due to exertion required to physically breathe. This is usually caused by the sub being on his stomach, as in a hogtie.
 
What if the neck and head of the sub is free, and there is no significant pressure around the chest area? It’s pretty difficult to kill your sub. Other dangers are also present, but generally nonlethal.
 
Too tight bondage in any part of the body causes two kinds of damage: circulatory and nerve damage. These are significant, because if a top is present in a scene, any problem can be quickly fixed, but if you are alone, there’s nobody to help and things can go wrong quickly.

Circulation problems

Circulatory problems result in tissue not getting enough blood due to position or constriction. Lying immobile, bed sores can form as quickly as 2 hours when a static position prevents free circulation. In legs and arms, tight restraints can result in loss of circulation and progress to ischemia and eventually gangrene in a matter of hours. There’s also a danger of blood clots.
 
Circulatory problems will eventually cause nerve damage (which is often permanent) due to nerves not getting enough blood, but nerve damage can happen sneakily by itself as well.

Nerve damage

Pressure in incorrect places, or unsustainable positions, will damage nerves directly. In mild cases, the myelin sheath around a nerve is damaged, resulting in damage which heals by itself. This healing can take up to 6-9 weeks, but often happens in a matter of hours. More serious damage affects the nerve itself, resulting in damage that can take months to years to fully heal.
 
Nerve damage usually has symptoms (pins and needles, progressing to numbness), but occasionally it’s symptomless until the damage has been done.

Psychological dangers

People react unexpectedly when they are left alone. Panic attacks are a real risk. While a panic attack itself is not dangerous, its symptoms can be. Uncontrollable struggling may result in bondage or equipment failing, suddenly changing the situation.

Vomiting is a dangerous symptom of a panic attack, especially if the sub is in a vulnerable position. Any gag or obstruction in the mouth while vomiting will most likely result in death through asphyxiation, or at least aspiration pneumonia when vomit gets inhaled into the lungs.

Prolonged or intense fear can cause long-lasting psychological symptoms, of which most famous is PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. This may be destructive for any future kink.

Should you do it?

As a sane adult (I hope), that’s for you to decide. There are ways to mitigate risk when it comes to leaving someone alone in bondage:

  • Do not use gags or hoods, or do head bondage, that obstruct with breathing or vomiting in any way
  • Do not do any bondage around the neck, and be conservative with any bondage around the chest area
  • Be careful with any pressure points, give the sub enough movement to be able to move around to avoid undue constant pressure
  • Do not leave subs that have a history of panic attacks or related psychological issues alone
 

As with anything, it’s impossible to remove all the risk. Being alone in bondage is a big fantasy for many people, but focusing on the details, you can make it as safe as you can.

Isn’t this irresponsible? You should be saying ‘never leave a sub alone!’

BDSM is always potentially a lethal activity, and we take a calculated risk when we get tied up. If we lived in a world of moral absolutes, you shouldn’t be doing bondage at all, since there is no way to guarantee the safety of your sub even when you are 100% present. People will leave their subs alone, bareback, and smoke weed, along with other things you consider morally abject, and to condemn everything simply prevents real information from getting through.

There are stupid ways of leaving your sub alone, and relatively safe ways of doing the same. It’s your call which one you pick.

Categories
Writings

Why Doesn’t Anyone Want To Play With Me?

It’s a widely known fact that 78% of kinksters don’t get as much play as they would like. Okay, I made up that number, but it’s gotta be close. Chances are you know people who are perpetually frustrated at other people having constant fun — while they get none. Or maybe you are one of those yourself. Regardless, you should know that everyone is in the same boat when it comes to finding play.

“If only I was 20 years younger, with a six pack, I’d have so much more fun.”

The easiest way out of dealing with your problems is to blame external factors. If only you were younger, more fit, lived in a bigger city, had more gear, you’d have all the fun, all the time. This is simply not true.

If it makes it any easier, I’ve met young guys in Berlin (The Gay Kink Mecca™ of the World) complaining there’s nobody interesting to meet. And people in major US cities, with world-class playrooms, complaining that everyone’s just looking for a quick fuck.

Then again, there are older, average sized guys in small cities having more fun than you.

Action Point: Stop blaming things you have no control over. External factors matter less than you think, and it’s a waste of time to blame them.

“Everyone is just looking to get a quick session.”

The second easiest way to escape the situation is to blame other people’s motives. You are looking for deep friendship, others are just want to get off and then vanish.

It is relatively rare to find an individual who prefers kink scenes with random people instead of people they care about. Most people prefer to form playing relationships, learning each others particular interests, and having deeper, mutual fun. Boundaries can be pushed with repeated sessions, and relationships can be developed out of this.

Why do we end up in random sessions? The same reason we have random sex, fail to eat healthily, avoid exercise, and smoke. Instant pleasure trumps delayed pleasure. And when we see other people on the hunt, we assume that’s the only way to go. Building a playing relationship takes time and effort, and it’s not always instant fun, so it’s easier to go online to jerk off to profiles and then complain how superficial everyone is.

Action Point: Be clear about what you want. Most people are open to deeper relationships, but you have to push beyond the surface. Meet people over coffee. Get to know them.

“Everyone just wants to sub. Why doesn’t anyone want to dom me?”

Finally, if you get over your appearance and other people’s motives, you still have The Sub Problem™. There are so many subs around, and so few doms, and the ones you find are all creepy in different ways. Why doesn’t anyone want to dom you?

If you look closely, you may see some irony here: first complaining that there are too many needy subs around, and then being one.

While it is true that subs are everywhere, and sane doms are not, the issue here is a bit deeper than that. When you complain about lack of domination in your life, it reveals that you look at the world through your own needs and supposed entitlements. Why don’t other people give me what I want? This is of course the exact same situation people face in all avenues of life: other people in the world seem to prioritize their own needs over yours, and so do you.

Action Point: “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.” -Zig Ziglar

Categories
Writings

10 Things You Shouldn’t Write on Your Recon Profile

“I am pretty much willing to try anything once.”

Wait until you see my Makita power drill…


“Not into fakes and flakes”

Yeah, that should stop them…


“Bondage isn’t bondage until you want out”

Well, actually it is. And also, are you implying that you won’t let me out if I really need out?


“No drama”

Most people who are full Drama actually think they have none, so this doesn’t really help.


“=Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ = 93% Voyeur 88% Experimentalist 84% Dominant …”

These imaginary percentages are meaningless to 69% of kinksters.


“WARNING PRIVACY NOTICE: Any institutions using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects…”

This warning is meaningless, both in legal and scientific sense.


“Just ask.”

You do realize what the point of a profile text is?


“Not into underaged or anything illegal.”

If you were, you would still say that.


“Looking for something meaningful.”

Yeah, I guessed that already from the 36 dick pictures in your gallery.


“Thanks for reading this far.”

You do realize nobody will get that far, right?


Categories
Uncategorized Writings

Poppers, Eye Damage and Maculopathy

Executive Summary: There is increasing evidence that using poppers of any formulation carries a risk of permanent damage to the fovea, the area of the human eye responsible for sharp vision. This damage can occur after first usage, or after decades of use. The exact mechanism of damage is not completely clear, but it is inherent in the way poppers work.

I rarely feel the need to educate fellow kinksters, but having done extensive reading on scientific literature about poppers and their capability to cause eye damage, and seeing all the misinformation and rumours spread around, I had to compile an up-to-date, plain term but scientific explanation of the danger of eye damage with poppers.

Disclaimer: While I have scientific training, I don’t have a medical degree and all information here is provided without any warranty of accuracy of any kind.

What exactly are poppers?

Poppers are a street name for a group of chemicals better known as alkyl nitrites. They originally came into medicine in the form of amyl nitrite, which was discovered to have a potent capability to expand blood vessels. This feature found use in the treatment of angina pectoris, a particular kind of chest pain resulting from narrowing of the blood vessels of the heart.

Amyl nitrite remained a medicine, and in fact in many places available freely over the counter. In 1969, the US Food and Drug Administration made it prescription only[1] when the increased use of it in raves and gay sex aroused the attention of the government. However, other variants of the chemical group, including isobutyl nitrite, isopropyl nitrite, pentyl nitrite, and cyclohexyl nitrite, have a mixed legal status in different countries.

In the European Union, isobutyl nitrite remained most popular until it was banned in 2007[2] based on the European Chemicals Agency classifying it as a potential cancer-causing chemical. This resulted in European poppers shifting to isopropyl nitrite. For legal and liability reasons, poppers are invariably sold as not designed for human consumption (usually as ‘leather cleaners’ or ‘room odorizers’), which is also unfortunately why they don’t need to be labeled with detailed ingredients.

How do they work, and what is the difference between the different chemicals?

All members of the alkyl nitrite group work the same way, however, different members have different volatilities[3], which may affect how they feel. The mechanism still remains the same: all poppers cause a chemical called nitric oxide to be released into the bloodstream, which causes a rapid expansion of blood vessels, a drop in blood pressure, and an euphoric feeling we all love.

A lot of popper users report particular affinity to certain brands (such as ‘Rush’ or ‘Jungle Juice’). However, as most countries have only one or two legal variants of alkyl nitrites, and as all alkyl nitrites have a similar mechanism of effect, this feeling is more likely caused by both the label effect (seeing a label on a product changes your opinion of the product), and variations in bottles being fresh or stale, poorly manufactured, and so on. Additives in poppers are not regulated and may also explain why different poppers feel different.

What’s the deal with eye damage?


Yellow spots on the fovea (A) and damage to the nerves of the fovea (B), from [10]

Similar damage, from [12]

Very unfortunately, nitric oxide has another effect on the human body. It interferes with a special enzyme in the human body (guanylyl cyclase), which is responsible for a lot of things. One thing it is responsible is the controlling how the retina in the eye adjusts to light[4], although this effect is not completely understood yet[5]. Nitric oxide has been linked to excessive light causing damage to the eye[6], and specifically blocking the effect of nitric oxide has been shown to protect the eye from light damage[7].

So because poppers get their effect from nitric oxide, and it also interferes with the retina, there have been numerous well documented cases of poppers use immediately causing damage to the fovea, the area of the retina responsible for central, sharp vision. In some cases, there has been recovery of eye function after poppers use was discontinued[8][9], but in many other cases, the damage appears permanent[10].

It is also a possibility that simultaneous use of certain erectile dysfunction drugs (such as Viagra), and/or HIV medication adds to the mechanism causing the eye damage[11] because of how
the human body metabolizes those drugs.

How big is the risk?

There are a few dozen well-documented cases in the scientific literature. However, as this phenomenon is not well known even by eye doctors, it’s probably underdiagnosed and the true victim count is much higher. A simple Google search for ‘poppers eye damage’ reveal hundreds of discussion board messages detailing people’s issues with poppers and unexplained vision problems.

Because of this, the true incidence of eye damage is not known.

How can I stay safe?

That’s the sad part. The only way to stay safe is not to use poppers. The damage to the eyes is not linked to any particular brand, or formulation of poppers, and neither is it linked to how much you use them. Some cases in the medical literature describe situations where first ever use of poppers has resulted in damage, and in some cases, it’s been after decades of use.

Life is a calculated risk. I enjoy poppers immensely, but the risk of permanent eye damage is too great to take for a quick high.

Further Reading

[1] http://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/cdrh/cfdocs/cfCFR/CFRSearch.cfm?CFRPart=250&showFR=1&subpartNode=21:4.0.1.1.16.2
[2] http://eur-lex.europa.eu/LexUriServ/LexUriServ.do?uri=OJ%3AL%3A2006%3A033%3A0028%3A0081%3Aen%3APDF
[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poppers
[4] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4289840/
[5] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20171265
[6] http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMc1005118
[7] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7507723
[8] http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.3109/08820538.2014.962175
[9] http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/08820530490882292
[10] http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(14)60887-4/fulltext?rss%3Dyes
[11] http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/aos.12753/full
[12] http://search.proquest.com/openview/4995733a48abcee30d5701cc96e22c41/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=33647