The Playroom Safety Briefing

[80’s smooth jazz playing]

Before we get started, we’d like to talk for a moment about safety. While you may be a frequent fucker, each playroom is different, and we appreciate your undivided attention while we go through the safety features of our moist, basement death trap. We kindly ask you to remove your gasmasks and cocksucker hoods for the duration of the briefing.

Your poppers bottle is opened, closed, and adjusted like this. Whenever the illuminated sign is on, or people are already nauseous, you must remain seated with your poppers bottle closed.

Portable electronic devices with a urine-proof covering may be used throughout the play. Larger items, such as fuck machines and SodaStreamers® must be securely stowed away.

There are fourteen slings in this playroom. Four in the front, four in the rear, four above you, and two below. Take a moment now to locate your nearest sling, bearing in mind you may already be in one. In case visibility is reduced, a trail of slime will guide you to your nearest sling. Please take off high-heeled shoes before mounting a sling, as they may tear it.

To find an actual exit, look for an illuminated sign barely visible through the thick black trash bag.

In the unlikely event of an actual top appearing, you may be asked to adopt the subby bitch position. It is important to bend as low and forward as possible. If you are seated in the Overdose Bench section, you must adopt this Unconscious Statutory Rape position instead.

In case of sudden excrement event, industrial grade kitchen roll will appear on a holder near you. Pulling on the roll firmly will release its contents on the floor.  

Your condoms are spread on the floor under your sling. Put on your own condom first, and only then assist others. Please note that the condom may not fill. 

This is a non-smoking playroom, and federal law prohibits tampering with, disabling, or insulting people who smoke anyways. You are also obligated to obey any posted placards, illuminated signs, and taunts from the big cigar leather daddy crew.

In case you actually manage to cum, move quickly to the nearest usable exit, taking nothing with you. 




Vignettes of Fetish Life

Darkroom culture

Have you ever noticed that darkrooms follow the same cultural rules as rest of the society?

In British darkrooms, it’s customary to apologize if you accidentally touch someone. “Oh, excuse me.” For any play to happen, there has to be the obligatory civilized small talk. “I like that harness. Where did you get it from? I heard Regulation makes great stuff. Can I touch it?”

In German darkrooms, consent means not punching the guy in the nose when he forces you down and him into yourself.

In US darkrooms… well, there are no US darkrooms. Leviticus 18:22.

Frequent Fuckers

Have you ever noticed going to a big event, like the Darklands in Antwerp, is a lot like going on a flight?

First you have to queue for the check-in. Insane queue. If you have a platinum fucker card, also known as a VIP ticket, you can use business class check-in. Smaller queue, better-dressed people.

But then there’s security! What are these security people looking for, exactly? That little pat-pat-pat. That little magic flashlight looking into your bag. Maybe you have a machine gun under your catsuit? A lot of people getting massacred in playrooms, huh?

Let’s face it, you all are smuggling in drugs. There’s more drugs in the playroom over there than in a small city in Bolivia. And they don’t care. They just like selling you those 10-dollar bottles of water at the bar.

So you get in after security. If you are a Platinum Fucker, you can go to the lounge, the VIP area. Drink your one-euro complimentary prosecco, looking down at the masses. Thinking to yourself, if only those people had tried a bit harder in life…

But it’s time for boarding! You all cram into this noisy cramped playroom, just waiting to get out of there. You’re fucking, but also looking at your watch. Shit, I have a connecting fuck in the piss area! If I miss it, when’s the next connecting fuck? I don’t want to be stuck here for hours.

So you run, and make your connecting fuck. You leave in the middle of the night, grab a taxi to some obscure hotel you ended up staying in, saying that you’ll never do it again, but you know you will.

The next morning, when you wake up, you realize you have to post something on Facebook for your family. So you find the nearest Starbucks.

“Great coffee here in Antwerp!”

What’s in a profile

People don’t really think too much about what they write on their profiles.

“I’ll try anything once.” Great! I’ve been reading some books about amputating and I think I have it all figured out now. Got the tools from eBay last week. It wasn’t even that expensive!

“My results say I’m 69% dominant.” Yeah, that’s not gonna work for me. I need at least 71% dominant, and that’s a dealbreaker.

“Just ask.” You mean I have to find that button to send you a message? And then actually write one? You know how hard that is with one hand?

“Not into anything underaged or illegal.” Yeah, right. Sounds kind of suspicious you should mention that. Did your defense attorney tell you to write that in your profile?

“Looking for real bosSSes and some 88.” Come on man, just say you are a nazi. Your code is making us all feel a bit awkward, and not fair to the young ones born in 1988.




Poppers and Viagra®: The history and science of the dangerous cocktail

Poppers and Viagra®, though often used in BDSM and kink, are a potentially lethal combination due to the way they interact in the same signaling pathway. They should never be used together, not even during the same day. I wrote this science-heavy article in an attempt to explain why they can never be used safely together. Trigger Warning: post contains references to enzymes and proteins.

The power of boners: Viagra is born

To understand the surprising link between Viagra and poppers, we need to take a trip back in history to how Viagra came to be the wonderdrug it is.

In the early 1970s, a group of enzymes called phosphodiesterases (PDEs) had been discovered, and by the late 1980s, science was investigating a newly isolated member of this group, PDE5, which was found to relax blood vessels. As human blood pressure is a function of peripheral resistance, relaxing the vessels would be an efficient way to reduce the pressure. Pfizer had discovered a new drug, then called UK-92480, that showed promising results in early studies. However, its effect was short lived, requiring three doses a day.

In addition to the problem of taking three pills a day, the research team at Pfizer also tested the drug in combination with nitrates, commonly used for chest pain, and discovered alarming drops of blood pressure. This was the first hint that this newly discovered drug would not play well with other blood vessel dilators.

Peculiarly, volunteers also complained of two side effects: muscle aches, and increased erections.

For the reasons above, UK-92480 never turned out to be a good blood pressure medication. The power of boners was irresistible though, and in 1997, Pfizer applied for approval for the drug, named sildenafil, as a boner pill, and started marketing it as Viagra.

The science of boners: why cGMP can make you hard (and make you blind)

The human body is an incredibly complex machine. Its actions are regulated by complex cascades of chemicals. Many drugs disrupt this cascade for your benefit. For example, when you take a pill of ibuprofen after a night of drinking, it inhibits cyclooxygenase, which in turn inhibits prostaglandins, resulting in reduced inflammation and pain.

The target of Viagra is cyclic guanosine monophosphate (cGMP), a chemical that among other things, relaxes blood vessels. Relaxed vessels mean stronger erections. It does this indirectly. cGMP is broken down by the phosphodiesterases, and by focusing on the subtype 5 (PDE5), Viagra is able to focus its effects on the corpus cavernosum (the little blood tank in your penis responsible for erections).

Messing with the PDEs comes with a cost, though. While PDE5 is mostly concentrated in the penis and the lungs (Viagra is also useful for pulmonary hypertension), the other PDE members are all around the body. PDE6, a sister chemical, is responsible for making the eye adapt to light, and Viagra mildly fucks around with this as well, resulting in the common side effect of seeing everything blue. This effect is related to the sometimes permanent eye damage caused by poppers

Poppers take a shortcut

While Viagra is a carefully selective and engineered chemical, with an excellent safety record, poppers are equivalent to moonshine.

Poppers, chemically members of the alkyl nitrite family, don’t really care about the regulation PDEs provide. Instead, they convert into nitric oxide (NO), and directly (well, technically via guanylate cyclase) stimulate the production of cGMP, the same chemical Viagra tries to carefully control in your penis. This reaction is rapid and strong, taking effect in a matter of seconds.

This combination of rapid poppers rush of cGMP, and Viagra inhibiting the breakdown of it, has disastrous consequences. Neither drug alone is particularly dangerous, but together they have pharmacological synergy, which means that they do together more than the sum of their parts: a dangerous relaxation of blood vessels, and a drop in blood pressure.

 Ok, I feel dizzy, but so what?

Blood pressure equals life. Even short disruptions in sufficient pressure cause dizziness and fainting, sometimes resulting in traumatic or even lethal injury. Sustained loss of blood pressure due to relaxation of blood vessels results in shock, and eventually starves the body of oxygen and life.

While a 100mg dose of Viagra will by itself cause no more than drop of 8 millimeters mercury (mmHg) of blood pressure, when combined with nitric oxide donors such as poppers, the effect is much bigger. In a 1999 study, healthy volunteers were given both sildenafil and glyceryl trinitrate (a.k.a nitroglycerin, the boom-boom thing, but also a nitric oxide donor with the same mechanism of action as poppers), and the largest reported drop in blood pressure was 51 mmHg. This is a huge drop, enough to be potentially life threatening.

But wait, there’s more! Blue people.

To make things worse, poppers have another way of starving your body of oxygen.  They convert the oxygen-carrying protein hemoglobin into methemoglobin, a version that is unable to carry oxygen. This condition, methemoglobinemia, literally turns you blue. While this in sufficient amounts (such as in an extreme poppers overdose) is lethal by itself, it further makes it more difficult for tissues to get the oxygen they need.

(Methemoglobin also distorts pulse oximetry readings in a very peculiar way, so if you ever meet a bondage top who has a $20 pulse oximeter from China and wants to keep you safe with it while giving you poppers, run away quickly.)

So how long do I have to wait to use poppers after popping some Viagra?

So far we have only talked about sildenafil (Viagra), but unfortunately other erection aids make timing more complicated. While sildenafil has a half-life of about 4 hours, tadalafil (Cialis) has 17.5 hours. Due to this, it is not safe to use erection aids and poppers during the same day, and in the case of tadalafil, perhaps not even on the next day.

Further reading
  • The history of Viagra:
  • How nitric oxide converts to cGMP:
  • Drinking poppers will cause methemoglobinemia:
  • Cardiovascular risk profile of sildenafil:



Guide: Travelling Internationally With Gear

Travelling with gear is fun! A lot of people overestimate the difficulties when it comes to especially airport security, so here I describe different precautions you should take while bringing interesting stuff with you for international trips.

The security restrictions here obviously apply to aviation, based on rules set by the IATA and ICAO, and adopted individually by countries. However, many places around the world regularly also screen train and bus luggage using similar standards, so it’s a good idea to always pack with this in mind.


Regular fetish clothing: rubber, leather, lycraLuggage: No restrictions in checked luggage or hand luggage.

: No restrictions, if you have the courage for it.
Heavy gear: motorcycling suits, hazmat gear, diving suitsLuggage: No restrictions in checked luggage or hand luggage.

: May need to be taken off for security screening. Wear something underneath, unless you are ready to go Finnish style.
UniformsLuggage: No restrictions in checked luggage or hand luggage.

No restrictions if not containing insignia or appearance with legal powers (such as police).

Customs Warning: Carrying excessively realistic military uniforms with insignia may attract attention of local officials. Patches like “Pussy Patrol” or “Corporal Klinger” might be better choices. There are a few countries that completely prohibit possession of camouflage.
Gas masksLuggage: No restrictions in checked luggage or hand luggage.

Worn: You should probably not wear a gas mask while in an airport or onboard an aircraft. Except since corona, I guess it’s now fine.
Chastity beltsLuggage: No restrictions in hand or checked luggage.

Worn: metal belts should be taken off for security screening, or a thorough private search will follow. There are arguments that intentionally wearing chastity while being screened is forcing your private kinks on unwilling security screeners, but opinions differ. Use your own discretion.

Restraints, toys and other

LubricantsChecked Luggage: No restrictions.

Hand luggage: Allowed in containers up to 100 ml/3.4 oz, in a clear plastic bag like all liquids.
Handcuffs and leg ironsChecked Luggage: No restrictions.

Hand Luggage: TSA explicitly allows handcuffs in hand luggage. Other countries will most likely not allow handcuffs or leg irons in hand luggage.

Customs Warning: Leg irons are considered instruments of torture in international law. Their import and export is subject to licenses. In the EU, Council Regulation (EC) No 1236/2005 forbids the import of leg irons. There is no exception for personal use.
Other restraintsChecked Luggage: No restrictions.

Hand Luggage: Restraints which are deemed a risk to aircraft safety are not allowed in hand luggage. TSA allows strait jackets in hand luggage, but use your discretion.
Butt plugs and dildoesLuggage: No restrictions, unless your plug is large enough to be used as a weapon, in which case you might want to ease a bit on the ass play.
Electro boxesNote about battery sizes: the largest electro box on the market, the Erostek ET-312, has a battery of 14.4 watt hours. The IATA aviation limit for 100 watt hours is obviously not relevant to most boxes, unless you are doing something absolutely crazy.

Checked Luggage: Electro boxes with built-in batteries of any kind (sealed acid, nickel, lithium ion) below 100 watt hours are allowed, but not recommended. Especially lithium ion powered devices should not be placed in checked luggage. If packed, must be protected against accidental power-on. Electro boxes without batteries are allowed without limitations.

In hand luggage: Allowed with batteries up to 100 watt hours. They should be taken out of bag for separate screening like all electronics. Should be charged to display functionality to security personnel if requested. May be trace swabbed for explosives. If asked about the nature of the device, describe it as a “signal generator”.
PoppersLuggage: Forbidden in both checked and hand luggage for flammability. Commercial x-ray devices, via multi-energy material discrimination, are able to detect abnormal liquids and may cause further scrutiny.
Shock collarsLuggage: No restrictions in hand or checked luggage.

Worn: should be taken off for security screening.

Customs Warning: Shock collars are illegal to import in some countries. There is generally no exception for human use only.
MedicineViagra and other erection aids are usually prescription medicines. Standard rules for posession and importation of personal medicine apply.
Military equipmentMilitary equipment and parts of them are subject to international controls. In the US, International Traffic in Arms Regulations (ITAR) regulates the movement of such goods. There is no exception for personal use. The list of items controlled is surprisingly large, and found in the United States Munitions List.
Whips, crops, batons, stun guns, other weaponsChecked luggage: No restrictions.

Hand luggage: Weapons or objects potentially usable as weapons are not allowed.

Customs Warning: Stun gun possession is illegal in many countries around the world.


BDSM Film Review: Dogs Don’t Wear Pants (2019)

The visually and thematically stunning Dogs Don’t Wear Pants (Helsinki Filmi, Finland/Latvia 2019) directed by J.-P. Valkeapää has been universally applauded by critics, as it’s easily the finest Finnish film of the year, and not just because of it’s realistic handling of BDSM and the psychology therein, but for the high production values and cinematography that is so often lacking in Finnish cinema.

BDSM gets a bad rap in media. It’s either a backstory for horrific deaths (in style of C.S.I.) or an abusive, superficial pastime (in style of Fifty Shades of Grey). Very rarely do we see it set in its rightful context — an exploration of the dark side of the human mind, with people who have real and normal lives when they are not wearing skintight latex.

Dogs Don’t Wear Pants breaks this stereotype, by showing us vulnerable people, leading normal lives, enriched and interrupted by short moments of absolute pain — or pleasure. The banality of the daily grind, in this case a surgeon and a physiotherapist, is juxtaposed with the dark underworld we choose to enter, either by choice or by obsession.

The hallmarks of a good screenplay are non-predictability and not reaching for too much. Written by Juhana Lumme and the director, Dogs Don’t Wear Pants excels in both, for its plot outline is rather simple and when written out, not that interesting. It deftly avoid all the usual cliches, keeping you guessing what will be the endgame for the two characters involved. This is not a movie for a sequel or promotional tie-ins, it’s a one-time affair. Like many great movies, there is no reason to see the movie again once you’ve gone through the rollercoaster.

From a BDSM and kinkster standpoint, the portrayal of BDSM is above average in realism. While some minor details irritate an experienced kinkster (a $10 Aliexpress dog mask makes an appearance in the background; a fetish party is filled with extras in gear you wouldn’t really see in a real party), the activities are fleshed out in detail with remarkable realism, including hardcore breath control with some intelligent safety controls depicted.

Pekka Strang (previously having excelled in Tom of Finland) and Krista Kosonen deliver top-notch performances full of nuance, understatement and desperation. Pietari Peltola’s cinematography makes each shot an unique composition, and leads you to its dark undertones with selective focus, migraine-inducing visuals and tight close-ups.

As a final piece of unintended irony, me and LeatherSamFin went to see the film on its opening night in Finnkino’s Tennispalatsi while wearing our awesome dog masks. Of course, this being Finland, the country of the bland and context-free rules, the security at the theater asked us to remove our masks. After this, the director publicly tweeted that yes, you can watch this film with a dog mask on.